Too much responsibility? Or just enough?

Last year, a high profile thinker with a gigantic platform shared in a post with very little nuance that their mother had been disabled and they felt robbed of their childhood. Mom’s limitations had required them to grow up too fast. The comments were full of amens from other adult children of disabled mothers.

Up to that point, I felt super confident I was following my kids’ leads and that their independence was a positive thing for them. That post, shared with me by another disabled mother who was shaken by it, shook me a bit too. I told my friend it was too reductive to apply to disabled parents across the board and ranted about the irresponsibility in the way the sentiment was expressed. Their experience is their experience, but parenting is fraught for disabled mothers. Thanks a lot for the help.

Yesterday, the Toothless Wonder asked to go inside the market and buy something on her own. She said she wanted to practice going through the line and checking out by herself. She’s 7.

I suggested we go in together and I just leave her alone. “No, I already know I can do that. We’ve done it before. I want to walk in and out alone.”

So yesterday I drove to the market, parked along the curb so she didn’t have to navigate the parking lot alone, and listened to music while she went in and bought $7 worth of jelly beans from the bulk bin, which I consider a one-up to buying something off the shelf because she had to bag it and bring the number to the cashier. 😂

“Look, Mom! I did it! Now when we have to stop for something simple, I can just run in if it’ll be quicker and easier for you!”

My mind went right to that aforementioned post. Does my kid feel obligated to make my life easier? Am I giving her too much responsibility?

No, I’ve decided. Definitely not. I’m raising an independent, helpful, thoughtful child. She makes us all toast and eggs for breakfast because she wants to. She unloads my chair from the car sometimes because she wants to. She will probably go into the store later to buy butter for me because she wants to.

Disability caused me to grow up too fast. But I listen to my kids well enough to know where that line is for them.